How To Train Your Hot Dog

So, it's Friday or, at least yesterday was, but, we are going to pretend like it's still Friday just so I don't have to write this full blog in past tense. Anyways, it's Friday and I could stay home and watch Jamie Oliver try to make Huntington, West Virginia healthy on his show on ABC pretentiously named Food Revolution or I could head to Huntington myself and boycott this so-called "food revolution" by visiting Hill Billy Hotdogs. How could one ever choose?

Well, since I grew up in small town West Virginia, less than an hour from Huntington, I chose to go back to my roots, scream "Bacon or Bust!" and watch a man try to down the three and a half pound Home Wrecker, which they just happen to serve with a large chef's knife, while stuffing my face as well. I already told my English friend he can take Jamie Oliver back before it's too late, but, I guess they actually like him over there and what he's done for the school system, healthy lunches for the kids and all that nice shit, so, what do I know. I just know he's getting a big fat paycheck for all his 'efforts'. I'm also bitter that West Virginia gets little to none publicity and when it does it's about how everyone eats too much bacon and has sex with their cousin. It's actually a really pretty place if you happen to like nature and there's really not as much inbreeding as people would like to think, yes, there is a heavy intake of pork products, but, hey, if you knew anything about the history of Appalachia you'd understand but, since you don't I'll just stop my preaching.

Look, now, I know this blog makes it sound like I'm terribly unhealthy and probably obsese but for the most part I eat healthy, greek yogurt, salads, soups, healthy choice meals and I even make sure to get enough fiber in my diet! Sounds like torture, doesn't it? Why would someone ever subject themselves to such hardships? Mainly so that I can gorge on super fattening foods every now and then without dying when I'm 32. I'm all about balence, ya' know? I also really kinda like greek yogurt. Yeah, I said it. But, you are never going to fully separate me and my bacon, even you Dr. Oz, I'll just eat a little less of it.

So, here I am/was, sitting at a table that would be better suited in an old hospital cafeteria than a restaurant and staring at Guy Fieri's hair, I mean face, plastered on the wall along with other odds and ends of photographs and trinkets. Some nice girl in her early twenties asks for our drink order and hands us some menus, I could go on about the cuteness of their menu but that's probably lame so I'm just going to move ahead and talk about the food we had, sadly, we forgot the camera at home so there will be no pictures but, I promise, I'll go back again. Hopefully I'll be able to visit the original in Lesage and get some pictures after another few weeks of health food hell and then you will be able to see what I'm saying.

My boyfriend, who wishes to someday attempt the Home Wrecker challenge, went light today/yesterday and ordered a half order of beer battered onion rings, a Hill Billy dog (deep fried hot dog with home-made chili sauce, mustard, and onions), and a Man Of Fire dog (topped with home-made chili sauce and what we are thinking is some kind of habenero sauce mixed with it). I ordered the garlic ranch fries after finding out that they are french fries topped with ranch, shredded cheese, nacho cheese, and garlic seasoning and I made West Virginians everywhere proud and added crumbled bacon to the mix. At around five bucks it seemed pretty expensive just for a plate of 'garlic ranch' fries but, it is more than enough to feed two to three people depending on how hungry they are so it balences out. I also ordered a West Virginia dog (a hot dog topped with home-made chili sauce, mustard, onions, and cole slaw) and a Nacho dog (hot dog topped with pickled jalapenos, home-made chili sauce, nacho cheese, and crushed tortilla chips).

Our food came out quick and hot and the first thing we dug into were those garlic ranch fries and oh my lord, we both exclaimed that it was one of the best things we have ever put into our mouths in our life and worth every dollar paid. It was a symphony of flavor and yes, I know that's cliche but I have no other way to explain it. Everything worked together, all the ingrediants complimented and played off each other, the ranch was tangy (I am thinking it was home-made, sure as hell didn't taste like that bland Hidden Valley crap), the cheese was, well, cheesy, there was just enough garlic seasoning to give a good garlic flavor but nothing too overwhelming, and the bacon added that last additional but very important flavor profile which I will call smokey goodness.

After we came back down from those fries we unwrapped our hot dogs from their aluminium foil wrapping and started to really eat. I first ate my West Virginia dog which reminded me of my childhood, yet, I did find myself wishing for more onions, I could barely taste them but, other than that, it was a delicious dog. The boy devoured his Man Of Fire dog in about three minutes flat and immediately started having to blow his nose. I was unluckily able to get a small bite and trust me, it was really hot. Even with the puny bite I had the heat took a good few mintues to subside. I couldn't imagine eating something that hot but, for you hot heads out there, it's definitely something to look into.

After our first round of hot dogs we moved on to try the next, the Hill Billy dog was good, I didn't think that the frying of the dog really added much but they have a great chili sauce so hey, we both still enjoyed it a lot. The last dog we ate was the Nacho dog, it turned out to be the boy's favorite, I couldn't really decide on a favorite but that Nacho dog sure did come close and I am not kidding when I tell you it really tasted like a plate of fucking nachos. It was weird and delicious all at once and the pickled jalapenos added nice flavor and a good amount of spice but, not too much to blow your head off.

Oh, and the onion rings are pretty damn decent as well, they have a sweetish taste to the breading and a half order is all one person needs. We shared everything we ordered because we are nice like that and sharing our future heart attack with each other is just so damned romantic.
My boyfriend and I have a mutual agreement, if we can leave a place fully stuffed but, not feel sick like we do after eating anything from Mc Donald's then it's most likely a place we are going back to and gives us a good idea of the quality of the food since you should never feel sick just three minutes after eating, never a good sign. They also claim to use trans fat free oil which is always a good sign.

All in all, it was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go back and stick it to that smarmy Jamie Oliver and his food revolution all over again.